LETTER FROM A FEMALE CANCER SURVIVOR : DR. ARIF MAGHRIBI KHAN.

LETTER FROM A FEMALE CANCER SURVIVOR

Dr.ARIF MAGHRIBI KHAN.

Whatsapp - 9419428795 

I would like to clearly mention I do not want pity or freebies from anyone, I want others to understand my pain physically and emotionally.

So here I begin as with most women in Kashmir, I do not smoke or drink, so nothing special about it. I loved my studies, so I studied hard. I got admission in MSc and subsequently completed my PhD from Kashmir university. I also qualified an examination conducted by the public service commission and got employed in Kashmir first in the private sector then in the government sector.

Before getting a government job , getting good matches for my marriage was a tedious job for my parents. But as soon as I got a government job, good proposals started coming in huge numbers. Finally I got married , and have two children but through cesarean section. I was happy and satisfied. During the time of my cesarean surgery there was no debate on whether sometimes cesarean surgeries are unnecessary and are done for commercial purposes only.

Evidence linking C-section directly to increased maternal cancer risk is limited and inconsistent:

Breast Cancer: Systematic reviews and meta-analyses (including recent 2025 

publications) show mixed or null results. Some studies suggest a possible indirect link through metabolic changes or obesity post-C-section, but no strong, consistent evidence supports a direct causal increase in breast cancer risk from the procedure itself.

Ovarian, Endometrial, or Other Gynecological Cancers: No robust data indicates a significant elevated risk tied to C-section.

Colorectal Cancer (in Offspring, Not Mother): One 2023 study found that females born by C-section had higher odds of early-onset colorectal cancer (diagnosed before age 50), potentially linked to early gut dysbiosis, but this was not seen overall or in males. C-sections do not appear to substantially raise the mother's long-term cancer risk based on current evidence. Rest should be discussed by researchers and other stake holders.

And yes, the birth of a girl child back in 2009 was not something to be celebrated and rejoiced in Kashmir. I am mentioning KASHMIR here again and again as I have not lived in other places, so better not to generalize my personal experience. Anyway, still I was satisfied with the family I had and understood that no one lives a perfect life.

My troubles started in 2013, when I was diagnosed with Diabetes and Hypertension. But then again I consoled myself by saying everybody takes medicine for some ailment, hardly anyone is healthy nowadays.My blood sugar levels and hypertension were in good control.

In 2015 I started to have severe pain in my right side, so visiting doctors of almost all specialties became routine for me. I visited all from Gynecologists to Surgeons to Endocrinologists. All investigations were normal including CT scan and MRI. While the pain continued, which was sometimes masked by my own hectic working schedule at the office and at home, in 2018 I was diagnosed with “Frozen Shoulder” by an orthopedic surgeon in a private hospital.

So medicine , physiotherapy became the new norm. I sought a second opinion from many orthopedics and they also said that yes it's “Frozen shoulder."

In 2019 I got the shock of my life when my investigations showed I had OVARIAN

CANCER - Stage 1.

Unfortunately most doctors are not trained to narrate such tremulous news to a patient, in Kashmir rates of all types of cancers have increased , but training of doctors in breaking this news remains primitive. Investigations given in hand, asked to do various tests, and come back. Even in 2025 many confirmatory tests are sent outside JK, and a patient has to wait from day to month. Many patients will not survive this waiting period without doctors empathy or even if they survive they come out psychologically bruised. After one month, tests confirmed what doctors and I had feared. So the next stop in my journey begins with Chemotherapy at a government hospital. For 2 months I underwent 

chemotherapy while my children were studying, how they passed their exams with distinction only they or God knows. During my visits to the government hospital for chemotherapy, waiting in queues became painful for me , so on the friendly suggestion of a surgeon working there I underwent surgery at a private hospital where the surgeon works on a part time basis. I was admitted there and surgery was completed and I was discharged after 20 days. So I thought okay no issues now I will live a happy life, if not healthy.

I was disappointed when the Principal of the college I worked at sanctioned Casual leave for 3 months instead of medical leave for Cancer. So I thought that is still negligible as long as I am healthy. Now a slightly different topic , it’s a fact most married women face domestic violence and so here also nothing to talk about. Women do face emotional and physical abuse, why? Maybe some men here also are stressed and do not seek help and some of them end up showing their anger on their wives. I cannot say all men do, but I cac say many do.

In 2022 I suspected that I was suffering from some never ending infection and visited my surgeon.

The esteemed surgeon said mesh implanted during ovarian surgery was damaged[ no reason given] and I just needed a few antiseptic dressings to stop the infection. What can ordinary patients like me do? Oblige, but these dressings became regular. I visited the private hospital 20 to 25 times and finally after a few months the surgeon said MESH needs to be replaced. So I underwent another surgery, remained in that private hospital for 15 days.

2023, 2024 I was thinking finally my health is improving.

In January of 2025 I noticed swelling in my breast, many gynecologists said it was nothing serious and I was exaggerating . Some even ridiculed me attending breast cancer awareness seminars. They said that they deal with such cases on a daily basis and my thoughts were obsessional. Finally in March they said that for my satisfaction I can do a few investigations which according to them will nullify my fears. Again 2025 I had another round of chemotherapy , surgery as I was diagnosed with Breast cancer stage 1. As usual some confirmatory tests had to be sent outside JK. So I visited a government hospital again, but this time in 2025 queues were even longer , so I was told to wait. This shows how rates of even breast cancer have increased in Kashmir, although like most mothers I breast fed my children.

So I visited a private chemotherapy centre not far away from the hospital, where during installing a “chemo port “for my chemotherapy, my right hand was damaged and even in December 2025 I needed physiotherapy. To end my narration I am quick forwarding- went for breast removal surgery at the same private hospital where surgery of my ovary was performed . After 2 days of remaining in hospital after my surgery I was discharged. And now I am undergoing radiotherapy at a government hospital as radiotherapy is not performed in the private sector.

You can rightly say I feel bitter, but my case I have referred to God that is why I avoiding mentioning name of doctors or hospitals. Who knows from the beginning when the cesarean section was performed to my radiotherapy now - doctors are doing their best ? I just wanted to create awareness . Imagine how distressed one feels after a simple tooth extraction or dental filling, think of us -cancer survivors and our chemotherapy and endless procedures.

 Kindly do not pity cancer survivors like me, we do not need that, we need acknowledgement and validation of our traumas. Trauma does not just live in memory. It lives in the body, in perception, in how safe the world feels.

P.S- I tried best to not dilute words of survivor, but any clarification the survivor has given permission to me to be contacted for any queries including if someone wants to do something so that in future cancer patients do not face any such issues. Lastly I hope that all readers have read about traumatic invalidation.

 For many trauma survivors, the true ongoing pain stems not from the original event itself, but from what follows: the dismissal, minimization, or debate of their fear and harm.

When such experiences are invalidated, the nervous system registers that even voicing or naming the harm feels dangerous and unsafe. This process is known as traumatic invalidation, which intensifies existing wounds and conditions people to doubt their own perceptions and reality rather than trust them.True safety cannot be rebuilt through logical arguments, explanations, or persuasion. Instead, it is restored through validation—by genuinely listening, believing the person's experience, and upholding their dignity. When someone expresses feeling unsafe, the most healing response is to pause rather than rush to explain or defend; simply being present carries far greater weight than trying to convince them otherwise.In essence, the piece emphasizes that emotional safety in relationships depends on empathetic presence and belief, not intellectual debate, as the nervous system prioritizes felt security over reasoned reassurance. This message aligns closely with trauma psychology principles (e.g., polyvagal theory and invalidation's role in retraumatization) and appears in therapeutic, survivor advocacy, and social media discussions around harm acknowledgment.